Summer Adventures: Leaving Paradise and the Journey from HELL

                So the whole reasoning and timing of our arrival in Koh Phang-an was for the notorious FULL MOON PARTY. Emma couldn’t be more excited and she raved insane reviews of last year’s events. Annd on the morning of the Full Moon Party, my dear travel partner woke with a nasty stomach virus. Not to be taken down by some silly urge to throw up every minute, Emma painted her body in the customary neon paint. We geared up to face the crowds, but I had NOOO idea what kind of “crowds” we were in for. 

No stomach virus brings down EMMA JACKSON!

                The beach was packed as if never before. Literally, wall-to-wall with people. I was used as a stepping stone for a 300 pound (sweaty, tub of lard) man. I was used as a steadying post for many drunken passer-byers. I was used as a towel for people to wipe their dirty, grimy hands on. After about .02 seconds of this madness, I was over it. I was disgusted by the amount of people (I couldn’t get fresh oxygen), and wanted to make it all go away. Unfortunately, our hotel required a trek across the beach. There literally was no other way. Even more unfortunately, the beach was SO PACKED that we were forced down to the shoreline. About two feet into the ocean, men were spaced three feet apart. All facing the same direction… and all of them were urinating. For miles, you could see them staggered out. Not to say that girls weren’t doing the exact same thing. Uhhh yeah, time to go home. And then… the most horrific thing happened. A wave washed on my feet and I screamed a blood curling hyena cry. People probably thought I was being stabbed. I turned to Emma and yelled “Well, my feet just got washed in TOILET!!!”

                Gross. Over it. And I, for one, do NOT recommend the FULL MOON PARTY. 

Remnants of neon paint still on my body

  We spent the next day recovering from the emotional trauma and planning our travels to the next destination: Phuket. We would be in Phuket for my birthday, and to be honest… it was more than exciting to me. You see, when I pictured what Phuket would be like, I saw Ashley the Bachelorette on her amazing dates with breathtaking views. I saw emerald seas and sandy beaches and picturesque cozy towns. 

What I didn’t see was being kicked off a bus at 11:30PM (our scheduled arrival was 7:30pm), into a dark, grimy, dirty alleyway with ladyboys who were trying to con us into the only lit building for miles. What I didn’t forsee was having NO TAXIS at this time of night and having no way to get to the hotel we pre-paid. What I didn’t see was a 15 hour journey (which should have taken maybe 10 hours) that ended in Emma and I BOTH fighting away tears and a MAJOR freak out session when two guys tried to get us into their unmarked “taxi”.

but imagine it at midnight

 But I’ve been told that I have the tendency to turn molehills into mountains, so I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as I am telling it. 

It ended up working out ok. We paid double the amount for a 7 minute taxi ride (in which I sat at attention, mentally noting our route and the major streets we were passing, just in case we needed to make a run for it) in order to have a female escort with us. No joke, Emma and I reviewed self-defense moves and where to hit/punch guys [all you need is Miss Congeniality... and to S.I.N.G.] before we got in the car. I also pointed out our whistles attached to our backpacks. 

After being told repeatedly by your roommates that “you will, in fact, be raped and/or murdered on this trip” for the past month, you start to feel a little nervous. Combine that with my father’s overprotective and paranoid nature and I. was. A. MESS. 

But we survived. Rape and murder free. And that was how we rang in midnight of my birthday.