my Napoleon complex

I live life like it is a movie.

No joke. I believe in meet-cute(s), friendships that never end, true love… and selfless good deeds (well, as selfless as they can be. As Joey Tribbiani* says, no good deed is ever selfless because it makes YOU feel good).

*uh, YES this blog is going to be filled with references to “Friends”, “How I Met Your Mother”, and every chick flick under the sun. Except “The Back-Up Plan”. That movie suckssss. That rant is for another post… 

SO anyways, a couple weeks ago I was back in the WASP bubble of Roseville (it’s pretty much the next Orange County). At the mall and I overhear “Oh no, someone should stop that”. I brush it off, and turn the corner… and there is a HUGE crowd. A silent crowd. I follow the crowd’s stare to a pimply teenage boy beating the crap out of another boy on the floor. He has the boy pinned to the ground and the thump, thump, THUMP of every single punch to this guy’s chest was deafening. It was awful, to say the least.

Now, since I live life like a movie… someone, anyone, a faceless hero from the crowd was bound to step forward and stop this. But no one did, everyone just continued to stand there SILENTLY. I was shocked. Half furious, half not-thinking-at-ALL, I dropped my bags and ran towards the boys. “Psh, these are teenage BOYS,” I thought to myself “I am totally stronger than them.” Now, I know some of you may be laughing at this point, but hey now! I used to be a cheerleader. We lift people, not weights. I’m stronger (and mightier) than I look. 

… As it turns out, angry teenage boys full of testosterone are a wee bit stronger than I expected. What I thought would be an easy YANK! was just a sad attempt to slow down the boy’s punching arm. Thank GOD two burly dads stepped forward and had the bully off the kid and in some sort of choke hold with one swift motion. “CALM DOWN!!!!” screamed burly dad “STOP THIS AND CALM! DOWN!” 

The security guards (super useless, and not to mention about five minutes too late) came rushing forward, no doubt feeling super important with their shiny badges and radio (that’s the extent of their equipment. Really?). Now comes my favorite part… The security guard asked the dad “sir, what happened with your son?” The burly dad steps away and says “I don’t know who this kid is. I’m not his dad or related to him in any way.”

Thank goodness for both dads… and for their wives, urging them to do SOMETHING. 

OK. So in my quest to find a picture for today’s post, I typed in “bully”. Apparently it is some sort of video game, because that’s what all the pictures came up as. Okkkayyy. Two of my least favorite things then: video games and bullying.

 And to leave on a good note, today Ben and Jerry's is releasing a new ice cream flavor... "Schweddy Balls". Which I find hilarious. For those of you not yet familiar with this nod to SNL... enjoy. 

Alright, I'm a noob and can't figure out how to put a video from hulu on here. So click here to watch Alec Baldwin and his schweddy balls :)